Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
