what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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