dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
