I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
