Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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