my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
where am i from again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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