You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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