Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
