we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sober January is a disaster.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
