meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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