I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
