Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
