my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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