it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
