I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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