Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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