its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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