I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
