I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They have beer where we have blood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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