I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
