Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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