Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
