I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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