Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
