Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
