i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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