Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
