i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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