Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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