Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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