i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
