forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
