Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
