So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dick very happy bro
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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