i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize