If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
