i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
