It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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