woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
