I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
