Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
