Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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