the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
