Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
