you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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