I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
