He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
