New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
