i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we should paint friendship bongs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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