it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
