final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
