I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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