You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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