She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
