I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
