Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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