Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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